sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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