last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
