People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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