If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
