how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
