if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
