So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
