you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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