she was so not down for the gang bang
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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