god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
