I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
