I got chris browned last night
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
