Cold hands, warm shart.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
