matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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