I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
