I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize