I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
