Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
