I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
