I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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