She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
