I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
