WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
