I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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