Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
