question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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