I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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