Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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