you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
