we have pet lesbian snakes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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