we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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