I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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