Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
