Your dad touched me again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
