A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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