is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
