who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize