i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
