i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need to sanitize my soul.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
