I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
