Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
