I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
