I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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