I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
