it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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