I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
