brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are we still banned from the library?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
