Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
