I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
