Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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