I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize