i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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