there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
