She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize