So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
