I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
