Tell her she can't have a vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize