I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
