I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
