plz talk dirty to me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize