I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
