It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
