How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
