so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
