i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
