I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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