my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
