You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
