I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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