he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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