the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
