I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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