just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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