i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
