I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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