If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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