She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
