the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
